Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

He who laughs, lasts.

He who laughs, lasts.

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell read more

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was read more

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak read more

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.