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    I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

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  15  /  17  

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

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  29  /  17  

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.

by Walt Kelly Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  16  /  22  

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

by Anthony Burgess Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  23  /  19  

A rich man's joke is always funny.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

by Thomas Edward Brown Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  28  /  14  

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.

by Herb Caen Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  17  /  23  

Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make read more

Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  14  /  20  

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long read more

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  19  /  22  

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

by W. Somerset Maugham Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  11  /  24  

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all read more

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob.".

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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