George Carlin

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams read more

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what read more

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is