George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.