George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is read more

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces read more

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams read more

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.