Dave Barry

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only read more

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was read more

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to read more

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to spew out paper."