Dave Barry

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who read more

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own read more

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any read more

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.