Dave Barry

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and read more

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although read more

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.