Dave Barry

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any read more

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My read more

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!'

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to read more

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to spew out paper."