Dave Barry

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, read more

I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how read more

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to read more

And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers: I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will read more

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings