Dave Barry

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the read more

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out read more

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise read more

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where read more

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.