Dave Barry ( 10 of 61 )
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise read more
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that read more
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to read more
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management read more
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only read more
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was read more
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
