Dave Barry ( 10 of 61 )
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to read more
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has read more
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how read more
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to read more
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers: I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely read more
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that read more
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
