Dave Barry ( 10 of 61 )
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to read more
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to read more
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers: I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how read more
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his read more
It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don't be shy! After all, you're paying for it.
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any read more
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only read more
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely read more
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings.
