They say that the best defense is offense, and I intend to start offending right now.

They say that the best defense is offense, and I intend to start offending right now.

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
(telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's read more

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
(telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books)

You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that.

You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that.

Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious.

Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious.

I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's read more

I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failures.

To free the mind from the habit of competition, we must see in detail the process by which the mind read more

To free the mind from the habit of competition, we must see in detail the process by which the mind is ensnared by competition.

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there. Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you read more

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there. Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to read more

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to vote)

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their read more

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.