I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player.

I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player.

Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.

Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.

Whenever I feel like exercise I lie down until the feeling passes.

Whenever I feel like exercise I lie down until the feeling passes.

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.

Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.

Be bold. If you're going to make an error, make a doozy, and don't be afraid to hit the ball.

Be bold. If you're going to make an error, make a doozy, and don't be afraid to hit the ball.

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye.

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye.

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all read more

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting.