I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to read more

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to vote)

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, read more

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

Bulls do not win bull fights. People do.

Bulls do not win bull fights. People do.

I'm fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was read more

I'm fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral.
(on the career dedication of her husband, the Miami Dolphins' coach)

It's a nice bonus but, you know, I have to pay taxes too.
(after winning the Grand Slam Cup.)

It's a nice bonus but, you know, I have to pay taxes too.
(after winning the Grand Slam Cup.)

You mean in the state?
(when asked if he felt his team should be ranked in the Top Twenty read more

You mean in the state?
(when asked if he felt his team should be ranked in the Top Twenty this season)

In order to excel, you must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport. You must also be prepared to work read more

In order to excel, you must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport. You must also be prepared to work hard and be willing to accept destructive criticism. Without 100% dedication, you won't be able to do this.

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to read more

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.