Marriage is the torment of one, the felicity of two, the strife and enmity of three.

Marriage is the torment of one, the felicity of two, the strife and enmity of three.

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having read more

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who read more

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I
twice failed rather disgracefully.

Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I
twice failed rather disgracefully.

The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.

The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.

People who love only once in their lives are. . . shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their read more

People who love only once in their lives are. . . shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

Men marry to make an end; women to make a beginning.

Men marry to make an end; women to make a beginning.