"Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it read more

"Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate."

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be read more

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

Some pray to marry the man they love, my prayer will somewhat vary; I humbly pray to Heaven above that read more

Some pray to marry the man they love, my prayer will somewhat vary; I humbly pray to Heaven above that I love the man I marry.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.

Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.

Sometimes I think [my husband] is so amazing that I don't know why he's with me. I don't know whether read more

Sometimes I think [my husband] is so amazing that I don't know why he's with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make him happy, then I'm everything I want to be.

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.

There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.