A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, read more

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.

The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any read more

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments.

I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be read more

I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art.

A woman's life is a history of the affections.

A woman's life is a history of the affections.

I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.

I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.

I never met a man I didn't like.

I never met a man I didn't like.

Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted.

Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted.

A civil servant doesn't make jokes.

A civil servant doesn't make jokes.