Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.
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Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger read more
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
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If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
If men cease to believe that they will one day become gods then they will surely become worms.
If men cease to believe that they will one day become gods then they will surely become worms.
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I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a read more
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
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You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
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Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
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A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
