A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
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I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, read more
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real read more
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by read more
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
I'd rather be rich than stupid.
I'd rather be rich than stupid.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to read more
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of read more
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or read more
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the read more
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
