A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
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Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all read more
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into read more
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top read more
I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw read more
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going read more
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start read more
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, read more
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother read more
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
