Mark Twain

We do no benevolences whose first benefit is not for ourselves

We do no benevolences whose first benefit is not for ourselves

All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty read more

All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the read more

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

I said there was nothing so convincing to an Indian as a general massacre. If he could not approve of read more

I said there was nothing so convincing to an Indian as a general massacre. If he could not approve of the massacre, I said the next surest thing for an Indian was soap and education. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run; because a half-massacred Indian may recover, but if you educate him and wash him, it is bound to finish him some time or other.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.