Jack Handy

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking read more

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!".

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping read more

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening read more

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to read more

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.

I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, read more

I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.