I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a read more

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or read more

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in read more

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.

A cowardly cur barks more fiercely than it bites.

A cowardly cur barks more fiercely than it bites.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was read more

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening read more

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

When we are afraid we ought not to occupy ourselves with endeavoring to prove that there is no danger, but read more

When we are afraid we ought not to occupy ourselves with endeavoring to prove that there is no danger, but in strengthening ourselves to go on in spite of the danger.