The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.

I'm old enough to know better, but still too young to care.

I'm old enough to know better, but still too young to care.

There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age.

There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age.

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow-blower, read more

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow-blower, or vacuum cleaner.

Let me go to hell, that's all I ask, and go on cursing them there, and them look down and read more

Let me go to hell, that's all I ask, and go on cursing them there, and them look down and hear me, that might take some of the shine off their bliss.

If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't work, use the other side of read more

If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.

It is a wise child that knows his own father.

It is a wise child that knows his own father.

Children have more need of models than of critics.

Children have more need of models than of critics.