Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.

Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.

All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me read more

All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'

Slump? I ain't in no slump... I just ain't hitting.

Slump? I ain't in no slump... I just ain't hitting.

When I was a small boy growing up in Kansas, a friend of mine and I went fishing and as read more

When I was a small boy growing up in Kansas, a friend of mine and I went fishing and as we sat there in the warmth of a summer afternoon on a riverbank we talked about what we wanted to do when we grew up. I told him that I wanted to be a real major-league baseball player, a genuine professional like Honus Wagner. My friend said that he'd like to be President of the United States. Neither of us got our wish.

Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.

Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey. But I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win read more

They say some of my stars drink whiskey. But I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ballgames.

Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.

Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night read more

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it.

Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time.

Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time.