All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me read more

All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many players read more

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many players on the field?

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em.

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em.

I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when they study this read more

I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when they study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball.

Fans don't boo nobodies.

Fans don't boo nobodies.

Slump? I ain't in no slump... I just ain't hitting.

Slump? I ain't in no slump... I just ain't hitting.

Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time.

Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time.

Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.

Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night read more

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it.