I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids read more

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.
(on being a role model)

He said, 'Gosh, Dad, that mean's we're not going to any more bowl games.'
(on his 11-year-old son's reaction read more

He said, 'Gosh, Dad, that mean's we're not going to any more bowl games.'
(on his 11-year-old son's reaction after he took the job with the Boilermakers)

Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold.

Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The triple is the most exciting play in baseball. Home runs win a lot of games, but I never understood read more

The triple is the most exciting play in baseball. Home runs win a lot of games, but I never understood why fans are so obsessed with them.

I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player.

I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player.

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across read more

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

I'll be back.
(five days after being pummeled in his fight with Mike Tyson.)

I'll be back.
(five days after being pummeled in his fight with Mike Tyson.)

I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to read more

I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him