Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can read more

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.
(recounting what he told a player read more

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.
(recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D)

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires.".

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires.".

Whenever I feel like exercise I lie down until the feeling passes.

Whenever I feel like exercise I lie down until the feeling passes.

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids read more

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.
(on being a role model)

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered read more

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.

I'm a golfer -- not an athlete.

I'm a golfer -- not an athlete.

Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.

Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.