Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.

One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for read more

One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?
(asking if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries this season resulted from poor physical conditioning)

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.
(recounting what he told a player read more

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.
(recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D)

Boxing is smoky halls and kidneys battered until they bleed.

Boxing is smoky halls and kidneys battered until they bleed.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's read more

I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failures.

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical

I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier than all the read more

I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier than all the other women in sports.