Good things, when short, are twice as good.

Good things, when short, are twice as good.

The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is outgrossing my films.

The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is outgrossing my films.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. read more

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause — you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Brevity is a great charm of eloquence.

Brevity is a great charm of eloquence.

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. 'Get out' and 'I never want to see read more

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. 'Get out' and 'I never want to see you again' might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, 'I love you.... I want to marry you.... I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been read more

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been damaged.

I'm married to the theater but my mistress is the films.

I'm married to the theater but my mistress is the films.

Men forget everything; women remember everything.

Men forget everything; women remember everything.

When I look at the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes.

When I look at the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes.