Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, read more

Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's the Secret Service.'

Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over read more

Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the president's spouse. I wish him well.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks
you take.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks
you take.

In my country we go to prison first and then become President.

In my country we go to prison first and then become President.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

I also wish that the Pledge of Allegiance were directed at the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, as it read more

I also wish that the Pledge of Allegiance were directed at the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, as it is when the President takes his oath of office, rather than to the flag and the nation

The vice-presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss.

The vice-presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss.

You really have to experience the feeling of being with the
president in the oval office. . . . read more

You really have to experience the feeling of being with the
president in the oval office. . . . It's a disease I came to call
Ovalitis.