One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for read more

One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?
(asking if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries this season resulted from poor physical conditioning)

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can read more

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

Darryl Gibson has been quite magnificent coming inside Andrew Mehrtens, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the same read more

Darryl Gibson has been quite magnificent coming inside Andrew Mehrtens, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the same today.

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to read more

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to vote)

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the read more

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered read more

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich read more

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.

I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye.

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye.