Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.

Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Never get married in the morning - you never know who you might meet that night.

Never get married in the morning - you never know who you might meet that night.

I don't wish to imply that there aren't good things about you or that you're not an extraordinary person but read more

I don't wish to imply that there aren't good things about you or that you're not an extraordinary person but I'd rather let other people enjoy the surprise

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.

A good marriage is like a good trade: Each thinks he got the better deal.

A good marriage is like a good trade: Each thinks he got the better deal.

I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.

I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.