Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been
extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been
extracted.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest read more

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

A great poet has seldom sung of lawfully wedded happiness, but of free and secret love; and in this respect, read more

A great poet has seldom sung of lawfully wedded happiness, but of free and secret love; and in this respect, too the time is coming when there will no longer be one standard of morality for poetry and another for life. To anyone tender of conscience, the ties formed by a free connection are stronger than the legal ones.

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages.
You can't divorce a book.

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages.
You can't divorce a book.

A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The read more

A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust.

Once you are married, there is nothing left for you, not even suicide.

Once you are married, there is nothing left for you, not even suicide.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.