By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education.... From television, the child will read more

By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education.... From television, the child will have learned how to pick a lock, commit a fairly elaborate bank holdup, prevent wetness all day long, get the laundry twice as white, and kill people with a variety of sophisticated armaments.

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it

America has the longest prison sentences in the West, yet the only condition long sentences demonstrably cure is heterosexuality.

America has the longest prison sentences in the West, yet the only condition long sentences demonstrably cure is heterosexuality.

Americans have more food to eat than any other people and more diets to keep them from eating it

Americans have more food to eat than any other people and more diets to keep them from eating it

There is nothing wrong with America that the faith, love of freedom, intelligence, and energy of her citizens can not read more

There is nothing wrong with America that the faith, love of freedom, intelligence, and energy of her citizens can not cure.

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I read more

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat read more

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with read more

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.