Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this read more

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low read more

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea.

Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring read more

Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.