Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
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Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you read more
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man.".
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could read more
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long read more
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
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If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked read more
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me.".
I'd rather be rich than stupid.
I'd rather be rich than stupid.
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking read more
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!".
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.
I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, read more
I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.
