You May Also Like / View all maxioms
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long read more
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby.".
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But read more
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak read more
Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was read more
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could read more
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to read more
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he read more
Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say read more
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.