The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
You May Also Like / View all maxioms
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It read more
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, read more
I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to read more
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, read more
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the read more
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, read more
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a read more
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
