W. C. Fields

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.