Phyllis Diller

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and read more

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have read more

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have done this? we have no enemies.".

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.