Fred Allen

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition read more

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.