Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.