Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to
become well known, then wears dark glasses to read more

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to
become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition read more

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy
me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy
me.