Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but read more

Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.