Erma Bombeck

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but read more

Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a read more

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.