Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was read more

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot read more

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot masturbate

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, read more

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, for the past five years most of the manuals shipped with software products have actually been copies of Stephen King's The Stand with new covers pasted on.