Ambrose Bierce

A pessimist asked God for relief. "Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied read more

A pessimist asked God for relief. "Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them." "The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something - the mortality of the optimist.

Advice: the smallest current coin.

Advice: the smallest current coin.

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With all due respect to read more

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that it is the first.

FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief read more

FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies read more

For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.