Dave Barry ( 10 of 61 )
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any read more
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look read more
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they read more
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it read more
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell read more
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space.
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although read more
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any read more
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo
