Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed.

Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a read more

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.

There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all read more

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting.

I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.
(after the team's co-captain, offensive read more

I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.
(after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis)

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids read more

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.
(on being a role model)

Show me a guy who is afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every read more

Show me a guy who is afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next to last mistake.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next to last mistake.

The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play.

The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play.