I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier than all the read more

I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier than all the other women in sports.

With those who don't give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am read more

With those who don't give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace. But while the game is on, I can't think of anything to say to them.

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white read more

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires.".

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires.".

I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.

I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.
(on read more

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.
(on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota)

Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings.

Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings.

My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed.

Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed.