If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never read more

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.

There are two kinds of statistics: the kind you look up and the kind you make up

There are two kinds of statistics: the kind you look up and the kind you make up

I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife....

One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife....

I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself I just didn't want to smoke, but I didn't believe myself

I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself I just didn't want to smoke, but I didn't believe myself