I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

Marriage is a series of desperate arguments people feel passionately about.

Marriage is a series of desperate arguments people feel passionately about.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

A good marriage is like a good trade: Each thinks he got the better deal.

A good marriage is like a good trade: Each thinks he got the better deal.

I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.

I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

Men marry to make an end; women to make a beginning.

Men marry to make an end; women to make a beginning.

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.