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By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education.... From television, the child will read more

By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education.... From television, the child will have learned how to pick a lock, commit a fairly elaborate bank holdup, prevent wetness all day long, get the laundry twice as white, and kill people with a variety of sophisticated armaments.

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It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

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To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I read more

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.

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  14  /  20  

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat read more

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

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America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

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My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do read more

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man

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  13  /  13  

When good Americans die they go to Paris.

When good Americans die they go to Paris.

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We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly read more

We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen.

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We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it

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