Ogden Nash

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it read more

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who read more

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

They take the paper and they read the headlines, So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of breadlines, And read more

They take the paper and they read the headlines, So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of breadlines, And they philanthropically cure them all By getting up a costume charity ball.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we read more

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.